This week I did some things while not wearing pants. And for our international readers, I mean underwear, not trousers. I was fully trousered.

So, on Wednesday Leanne came round to collect her trainers that she left when she moved out. Imagine my surprise to find her step-dad was hiding around the corner when I opened the door. He barged into my house and started threatening me about an inch from my face… while I wasn’t wearing pants.

Terrifying!

Helen was in the next room and phoned the police when she realised, so later – about an hour, in fact: good job he left after he heard her making the call – I got to give a statement to the police… while not wearing any pants.

By way of a warm-up, earlier that evening I had taken delivery of some groceries from Tesco while not wearing any pants too.

I was then unable to sleep until the wee hours, while not wearing any pants.

The next day I wore pants, and everything went a lot smoother. There is a lesson to be learned here.