Today I went somewhere so horrible that I proclaimed my intent to go home and blog about it. I have, so now I will.

Crewe is a festering shithole of a town. For the duration of my stay my eye flitted from grey skyline to massive hoop earrings, from peeling paint to fat, tracksuited children, from faded shop-fronts to elderly gentlemen clad in designer sportswear. It is as if I left the train at completely the wrong station, disembarking in Eastern Europe by some terrible mistake.

Everyone seemed so miserable, I can only conclude they wanted to be there no more than I. Indeed, they were further depressed; they had come to accept their lot, no longer even dreaming of escape. If the eyes are the window to the soul then the people of Crewe have long had theirs boarded-over. I cannot say it any clearer, they were all dead inside.

Also, only in Crewe would an establishment display a sandwich as “prawn and tuna”, only to serve it to me and await my discovery that by “prawn”, they meant “melted cheese”.

Anyway, Christmas! As is generally the case, Christmas was pretty awesome.

Helen and I spent it in Belper with my family and a thoroughly over-indulgent time was had by all. According to custom I got some really cool presents, few of which are healthy for me to eat and none of which anyone reading this actually cares about, so I shall spare you the “lol xmas swag poast”. Suffice to say that my media centre mac is off-duty for the foreseeable, as it transcodes all the video that’s fit (read: cartoons) into something suitable for a shiny new video iPod.