Bus-driver: I’m dying for your sins on the dance-floor, can’t you see?

Commuter: I asked if this was the bus to Charing Cross.

Driver: Well certainly sir…

he is interrupted by the impatient commuter

Commuter (impatiently) : Then I’ll have a day return

he is interrupted in turn by the bus-driver, who has pertinent information to impart

Driver: …all buses go to Charing Cross, eventually.

Commuter (confused) : What does that mean?

Driver: That’s advanced bus-route theory, that is. See, anywhere you can get a bus from can be accessed from anywhere you can catch a bus, so long as you use a bus, or series of buses to do it.

Commuter (bemused) : So, what you’re saying is – I can get to bus-stops using buses?

Driver: Not only that, but from any bus; all it takes is time.

Commuter (abused) : So, which bus to Charing Cross takes the least amount of time?

Driver: I’m not properly attired to answer that question, sir.

the bus-driver unzips his gorilla costume to reveal an undertaker’s garb

Undertaker: It is my sad duty to inform you that you’re going to die before you reach Charing Cross.

Commuter (amused) : And why, pray tell, is that?

Undertaker: Because this is an emergency. But that’s OK, because I want to trap you in this elevator.

Commuter (re-used) : You already segued into an Electric Six lyric. This is getting repetetive.

Undertaker: That’s as may be, but you’re running out of adjectives ending in used. You’re also running out of time!

the undertaker hits the emergency stop button of the elevator they are both riding, trapping the commuter between the fifth and sixth floor

Commuter: I am trapped!

Undertaker: And now you will answer my question!

Commuter: What? Quickly man, I’m claustrophobic!

Undertaker: What’s the quickest way to Charin Cross? I have a funeral to undertake.

Commuter (infused) : Why I oughtta!

the commuter rolls up his sleeves, the undertaker rolls up his trousers, they both roll up a newspaper and begin to circle each other – the curtain falls to the sound of axes chopping young pine