Monthly Archive for April, 2008

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a good idea at the time

Published on 14/04/2008 in education and music. 2 Comments

This weekend I had friends over (a mixed group, gender-wise, before you ask), and what with one thing and another we ended up watching Deep Throat. Yes, alcohol was involved.

I bet you’ve heard of Deep Throat. You probably know that it’s a famous porn flick from the Seventies and one of the earliest to feature, well, deep throating.

But have you actually seen it? We hadn’t, and I doubt many people in their twenties today have.

All the ridiculous seventies porn clichés are there – big hair (all over), ridiculous music, a paper-thin façade of a plot that is doggedly maintained to the bitter end, obscene moustaches and hammy acting that is nevertheless an order of magnitude above anything from recent movies. Indeed, compared to modern porn the plotting and acting are all amazing (this is compared to modern porn, not an actual movie, I hasten to add).

Of course, what hasn’t stood the test of time is the sex. Hairy arses, flabby guts, tame positions, half-hearted erections (on the screen, none at all in the audience), did I mention the music? This gem is from the main theme:

Deep throat,
Deeper than deep your throat
Deep throat
Don’t row your boat
Don’t get your goat
That’s all she wrote
Deep throat

For a film that was banned in several territories it’s actually remarkably tame, only really crossing into what a modern audience might consider indecent in one scene where… well, you can watch it for yourselves. Seriously, go grab a torrent. If nothing else it’ll help you appreciate modern porn all the more.

what’s in a name?

Published on 09/04/2008 in geek. 1 Comment

I can’t be the only nerd that thinks it’s funny that a mobile Linux project has been abbreviated to moblin.

Moblin - a porcine forest goblin

seven easy steps

Published on 08/04/2008 in geek. 2 Comments

close, but no cigarToday HP released the HP Mini (or possibly the HP 2123, HP Mininote, or HP Mini-note 2123), a small-cheap-and-slow laptop in the vein of Asus’ EeePC but less slow and less cheap.

How the fuck do you pronounce “EeePC” anyway? “ee-ee-ee pee cee”? “triple-ee pee cee”? “eeeeeeeee pee cee”?

It’s still not quite right though, despite it’s 12″ Powerbook-esque edge-to-edge keyboard. As such, I present Bob’s easy guide to building a very small laptop.

  1. Settle on a core spec that is just barely fast enough to watch a pirated movie on. This movie may or may not be pornographic. 
  2. Steal a keyboard from a MacBook Pro, and procure a 12″ screen. Twelve inches serves as a maximum (see step 6) and is being used at this stage to eliminate guesswork from step 4. 
  3. Do not include an optical drive, multi-card reader, expresscard reader or weasel reader. People rarely need to read weasels on the move.
  4. Experiment with batteries until you find one that can power it all for a bare minimum of 6 hours. Yes, this means your R&D guys are going to be watching porn for 6-hour stretches. Stock up on tissues accordingly.
  5. Remove the screen and demand your hardware designers crams it into a casing thinner than 2cm and with the smallest footprint possible. Don’t be afraid to threaten the designers at this point.
  6. Work out the biggest screen that can be stuffed into the lid without making it any bigger. If it is bigger than 12 inches send it back to the designer and threaten him properly this time.
  7. Double-check the battery life. Seriously.
You now have a sexually jaded R&D team, a restraining order from your designers, and a winning product that probably only I would like to buy. Congratulations!

assault with a deadly omnivore

Published on 07/04/2008 in links. 2 Comments

A New Zealander is in court next week over a rather unusual assault charge. Namely, he threw a hedgehog at a guy. Some excellent reporting from the New Zealand Herald:

It is also unknown whether the hedgehog was dead or alive at the time but it was dead when it was collected as evidence.

(2)

a link to the past

Published on 06/04/2008 in everything and geek. 1 Comment

You may or may not know that QR codes and their ilk give me a terrifying nerd-boner. Imagine my surprise, delight and revulsion to learn that a Japanese gravestone company has started putting them on graves.

Snapping the code with a mobile phone takes you to a web-page (this is apparently a sample) where you can post memories, photos, videos and so on about the deceased. Kind of a facebook wall for the dearly departed.

The gravestones cost a million yen or about five grand in Sterling. Is that a lot for a gravestone? I have no idea.

silence is golden

Published on 05/04/2008 in everything, geek and music. 2 Comments

my new babiesActive noise-cancelling is the sexiest thing ever.

Yes, sexier than that video with the bulgarian sisters and the over-sexed traffic warden. Ha ha, double-parked.

But seriously now: I can’t hear anything but the music.

Also, and this may be a bit premature, but I think I can totally pull off the dude-wearing-big-headphones look? I don’t care anyway – I’d wear a fucking gimp suit if it made taking public transport bearable. Now if only they were bluetooth… what’s that, my phone can’t do bluetooth music anyway? ;_;