Monthly Archive for September, 2006

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this is really bothering me now

Published on 08/09/2006 in everything. 4 Comments

Today I noted, through Facebook’s controversial mini feeds thing, that someone I’d never bothered keeping in touch with from school (and probably should have) had created a profile.

I then note that a certain mutual classmate (by classmate, I mean fucktard) from primary school is listed as his friend, who in turn has “befriended” pretty much everyone I can remember from our primary school (including my first ever crush!), and some people I’d forgotten from when I spent two terms at boarding school with the guy (and by guy, I mean shitweasel). Pretty soon I’m hip-deep (and not the slightest bit hip) in profiles numbering 250+ “friends”.

Wait a second. I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of 250 people I know both the first and last names of, never mind would consider my friend.

Facebook, in conclusion, is a crock of shit, and I’m this close to packing the whole thing in. Web 2.0 has shown me how retarded people can be if given the opportunity, and I really don’t like it. My response, naturally is to take my toys in hand, then eject them forcibly from the pram.

So yeah, if you’re reading this via Facebook, you have like, 48 hours to secure some way of communicating with me, should you actually care to, then I’ll yank the profile.

to/for/by/with/from all things

Published on 07/09/2006 in everything. 3 Comments

My lame-ass ISP got bought! Hopefully these ones will give me a working modem? I dunno, it’s almost like they don’t want you running a domestic server and using bittorrent or something!

In lamer news, image manipulation using a trackpad is very hard indeed. I’m looking at you, lasso tool!

Also, Trent buses suck. The bus I was going to catch to work this morning was so fucking late (15 of your earth-minutes) that I’d given up on it and started walking into town. It ploughed past me, as I waved and gesticulated like a hobo in the middle of a particularly intense acid trip, a mere 5 yards from the next bus stop.

Fuckers.

(if you “get” the title of this post then you win a cookie, or something)

behold, the awesome power of iWeb

Published on 02/09/2006 in everything and web design. 5 Comments

And by power, I mean horrible limitations.

See, this morning I cobbled together quarterhorses.uk.com using iWeb and a bunch of photos my sister took. I think we can all agree that it both looks pretty, and needs someone who knows something about horses to actually write the content.

The problem is that iWeb has been intentionally crippled for those who have their own hosting (as opposed to apple’s own .mac “service”). I don’t get to have ajax-tastic slideshows on my site, or upload directly (or even just upload changed pages when I tweak something minor), or make a blog with comment support. Then there’s the general frustration that it’s only for small sites.

A good example is how the templates assume that every individual page needs to be represented in the global header. No sub-pages for you! Another example is how it’s all static html with no server-side scripting to speak of, Shelly.

I think my plan of action now is to make some kind of php-based page templates using iWeb’s html as a starting point. It certainly sounds simple enough.

Sigh. One day I’ll get around to making the most awesome CMS ever and stop having to bludgeon other people’s to suit my myriad needs.

it came to me the other night

Published on 01/09/2006 in everything. 4 Comments

Surrealist porn.

No, please, hear me out! This idea has legs, I am sure of it! And also penises, and numerous appendages.

So, have you seen the film Being John Malkovich? I don’t want to spoil it, but there’s this scene, right, where our John crawls through this tunnel into a portal that is supposed to deposit the user into John’s head, where they experience the world through him, passively. Only, for John it puts him in a world where everyone is John Malkovich. The women are John Malkovich with breasts and lipstick, the babies have fully-grown Molkovich-heads and all anyone can say (much like some kind of surreal Pokemon) is “Malkovich”.

Yeah, I want to make a porn scene like that. Ideally a gangbang in which everyone has John Malkovich’s head, and all they say is “Malkovich”. Can you picture it? I hope not, because otherwise there’d be no point in filming it.

Scenes I’m also considering:

- A couple rutting in a field, wearing pig masks, interspersed with footage of a pig, dressed in a suit working in an office.

- A man having sex with that big sofa that looks like lips

- A scene in which our protagonist is James Van Der Beek. As he gets to undress he puts on his rape face from The Rules of Attraction, and we zoom in right up to the eyes. Noises and giggling infer his denudement. Then we pan out again, only the face is no longer on his head, but on his penis, still leering horribly in anticipation of its prize.